In a Galaxy Far, Far Away
by Wolf-007
Summary: CRACK! Very AU and OOC. Jack/Ianto. A collaboration between my friend, Silver, and I lead to a Torchwood and Star Wars crossover. This was NOT intended to be serious!


a/n: This is collaboration between my friend Silver and I. Crackish. I accept flames.

Warning: We tried to keep the characters as in character as possible, but it's kind of hard.

Also this is AU. It takes place before the Torchwood Season 2 finale. And is Star Wars it takes place after Episode IV, but Anakin/Darth Vader is still around and is good. Also the Death wasn't destroyed and was completed.

Disclaimer: Torchwood and Star Wars are not owned by either of us.

It was like every other day...if you could call it a day, since the Death Star was located in space. If he could, Anakin would not stay on that dull, grey battle station any longer. He would be anywhere, even Mustafar, the last planet he ever saw before becoming Darth Vader... the last place he ever saw Pademe alive. Thinking of her brought sadness. A sudden commotion pulled his attention away from thoughts of Pademe.

"Are we being attacked again?" he asked a passing trooper.

"No, Sir, but something has happened." The storm trooper replied. He continued on in the direction of the commotion. Anakin, out of curiosity, followed him.

The Torchwood team groaned as all five of them fell on top of each other. Untangling himself from the others, Jack was the first to stand up. The others quickly followed suit.

"I hate time travel." Jack muttered rubbing his head and looking around.

"Where are we?" Gwen asked.

"I think the correct question is: how are we going to get back?" Ianto corrected.

"We're not going to get back." Owen answered pessimistically.

"I'm getting really weird readings. I don't think what we just did is possible with the rules of time and space." Tosh said frowning at her PDA. "It's amazing we aren't dead."

"Why?" Gwen asked.

"No." Jack muttered. He had, for the most part been ignoring what his team was saying, until Tosh's comment about being dead. "No, we can't be where I think we are."

"Are you okay?" Ianto asked. It was unlike Jack to look as concerned as he did.

"No." Jack replied instantly. "We are so screwed."

As if to prove his point someone behind the Torchwood team cocked a gun.

"Hands up!" the storm trooper said, pointing his gun at the intruders. Anakin stayed behind, observing the fact that the whole Death Star was at this very spot. And not only were that, but both the intruders and the Empire's troops all very confused. It actually made Anakin laugh quietly to himself, something he rarely did anymore.

He observed one of the intruders' faces a little closer. The intruder seemed familiar...very familiar. Stepping forward, he addressed one of the Imperial officers, "What is the problem, Captain?"

"These people, Lord Vader, have appeared, I believe, out of nowhere and made a huge ruckus. Not only that, but they look like they're Rebels, Sir."

Anakin stepped closer to the man he recognized. "Do I know you from somewhere?" he asked.

Jack groaned and ignored the question. "You have to be kidding me right." He turned around in a complete circle seeing that they were completely surrounded ignoring Anakin's question. "This is not happening."

"Sir?" Ianto asked questioning.

"I'm referring to the fact that we're currently standing on what looks like a battle station in the middle of space. I can reassure you though that we are no where near Earth though." Jack replied.

"How do you know this?" Owen asked, bewildered.

"I've been here before. Well, not here exactly, but somewhere that looks extremely similar to here." Jack still looked surprised. "It was a long time ago, but still...it's to familiar for my taste."

"Was this during your time with the Time Agency?" Gwen asked.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Anakin questioned again. His temper was wearing slightly short.

Jack studied Anakin closely. "If you're Anakin Skywalker, then yes we have met before.

"I was one of the Time Agents that had high hopes for you as did the Jedi Council. You were one of the best Jedi knights.

"And there was that really beautiful girl... what was her name... Pademe. She was really cute. What ever happened to her? I didn't think she would just walk out, but than again you never know..."

"Sir…" Ianto started to interrupt noticing that some of the objects in room were shaking.

Jack noticed as well. "Sorry." He shrugged.

At the mention of Pademe's name in such a carefree matter, Anakin knew that the intruder was Jack. Jack was the time traveling annoyance, the powerful time traveling annoyance that Anakin had come to know through the Jedi Council. And as he always had, Jack had just gone stepped over an invisible line. "Don't you mention her name around me again," Anakin said. He reached out and grabbed Jack by the throat. "Got it?"

Instantly the Torchwood team reached for their guns. Even if Jack was immortal, they still protected him. The storm troopers tensed making the team realize that maybe trying to save their captain wasn't the best idea right then.

"Touchy, touchy," Jack muttered while gasping for breath. "Mention someone whose left them and they try to kill you."

Anakin glared at Jack, which was kind of hard to do through the mask he wore. "She died, not left. And I mean it, Jack." he said. He threw Jack onto the ground. "Captain," he addressed the Imperial Officer with out turning around. "Have the troops back to their posts."

"But-" the captain began.

"I said...have the troops returned to their posts. There is no need for them to be here." As the troops left, Anakin continued to glare at Jack. "What brought you here this time?" he asked.

"It was an accident." Gwen tried to explain to Anakin while Jack picked himself up.

Jack was distracted by the fact that it was Anakin. Another piece of his past that he didn't necessarily want to drag up.

"What happened to you? I mean you used to be hot. Not that you aren't now... the dark suit is really working for you..." Jack tried flirting seeing if it sparked a familiar feeling. It didn't and Jack didn't know what to think about that.

Jack regretted trying to flirt because suddenly he felt an over whelming pressure around his neck even though Anakin wasn't near him. Using the Force, Anakin choked Jack, lifting him several feet off the shiny, grey floor. After a few seconds he threw Jack against the wall.

"That is a matter that we shall not discuss," Anakin said to Jack's obviously dead body before storming off.

A brief glance at the Torchwood team, told Anakin that they were disinterested in the fact that Jack was dead. Anakin would go so far as to call them bored. Ignoring them again, Anakin continued to storm off therefore he didn't see Jack come back to life.

"Was that a yes to my offer?" Jack called after Anakin whose back was rapidly retreating back.

Tosh, Gwen, Owen and Ianto all groaned in unison. They couldn't believe that Jack was going to start on someone that only Jack knew.

Anakin stopped walking. "I thought you were dead!" he turned to faced Jack. "No one in this entire galaxy, mine or yours, should be able to come back to life. It's impossible. Not even the greatest of the Jedi, let alone Sith, could do that. And here you are: ALIVE. I should have known, of course. You with your time traveling business and whatnot!"

An imperial officer appeared before Jack could say anything and said, "Someone's here to see you, Lord Vader."

"Bring him in," Anakin replied. He knew immediately that it was his son, Luke.

"Who exactly are you?" Gwen asked seeing as Jack hadn't explained anything yet.

"He's an old friend." Jack replied instantly before switching topics. "Something happened to me a long time ago that made me immortal. No one can fix it. It has its uses though." Jack explained to Anakin.

"What are you going to do to us?" Ianto asked fearfully. "It's not like we can exactly go home considering we don't know how we got here."

"To answer your question," Anakin said, pointing at Ianto. "Nothing...yet. And I, too, would not be sure how to return you to where ever you came from."

"I could theoretically recreate the conditions that got us here." Tosh said clicking a few keys on her PDA.

"That's assuming my vortex manipulator was working." Jack said tapping his wrist band.

"It never works though." Ianto added.

"It managed to get us here." Jack argued.

"Well it's all bloody well and good if we're alive, but that doesn't matter if we can't get back." Owen growled.

"You wouldn't happen to have a spare vortex manipulator laying around would you?"

"Um…no," Anakin replied. "Why would we have one on this place?"

The Imperial officer appeared again, followed by Luke.

"Who are these people," asked Luke.

"They call themselves…what was it….?" Anakin asked Jack.

"Torchwood." Jack answered.

"They're time/space travelers and they just caused a huge commotion."

"We don't normally travel." Ianto pointed out. "So it's more like we're people that just happened to get caught in the rift and transported to where ever we are."

"Maybe that's our problem…" Gwen said thoughtfully. "If Torchwood explored the stars more maybe aliens wouldn't be so hostile because we understood them."

"But that would mean that I'd have to do field work, and I hate field work." Ianto protested. "Except weevil hunting. I like weevil hunting, especially weevil hunting with Jack."

Owen rolled his eyes. "Can you go one day without mentioning the fact that you're shagging Jack?"

Ianto glared. "Well at least I'm shagging someone."

"Kids." Jack said before the fight could escalate. "No fighting."

"This conversation bores me." Anakin growled. "Now if you don't mind-" Suddenly the whole place went dark and quiet. "Oh, shit! Not again. This fucking battle station needs a new power source… or needs to be destroyed."

"If you need help I'm good with generators." Ianto offered.

"No." Jack, Tosh, Owen, and Gwen said altogether. They were all remembering the incident with Lisa.

Anakin didn't wait any longer to see if someone was coming with him. He stormed off in the semi-darkness leaving Luke behind with the Torchwood team.

Tosh, who was also experienced with generators, ran after him. "I can help, Lord Vader."

"Oh, great Owen mumbled. "She's going to fall for him and its not going to be fun when we have to go back to Cardiff." But everyone ignored him.

So… who are you?" Jack grinned flirtatiously at Luke.

"Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight." Luke replied. "Lord Vader is my father. Just to warn you, don't talk about my mother, Pademe near him: he gets angry if you do."

"I already discovered that." Jack said darkly.

"If you're a Jedi then that means you have a light swordy thingy…" Gwen asked. "Can I see it?"

"It's a light saber and no you can not see it." Luke replied with a slight annoyance. He didn't like how these strangers knew about light sabers.

"Please," Gwen begged, throwing him one of her best smiles. "I promise I won't break it or steal it. I'll be standing here the whole time."

"No." Luke said firmly. "You wouldn't know how to use it. It's a weapon not a toy."

"We have one in our archives," Gwen argued back, "and I know it's not a toy."

"You will not ask me again about my light saber." Luke said, using a Jedi mind trick on Gwen.

"I will not ask about the light saber again." Gwen repeated, eerily almost word for word.

Jack and Ianto exchanged a look. They were both wondering whether if whatever Luke had just done to Gwen would work on someone with formal Torchwood training. "If Gwen can't see it; can I?" Ianto asked.

"If you have one in your archives, why are you asking me if you can see my light saber?" Luke retorted.

"Because the one we have is locked."

"Locked? How could it be locked? Where did you find it?"

"We couldn't figure out how to operate it." Ianto explained. "We didn't find it really. It kind of came to us out of the rift."

"The rift?"

"A crack in space and time. It's a really complicated subject, but the point being, things fall through and we collect it."

The Death Star suddenly tilted to the right, making everyone loose their balance and made them slam into the wall. Luke could just see his father cursing out the power source.

Owen and Gwen managed to grab onto something, but Jack and Ianto slammed into Luke who fell as well.

"Sorry." Ianto apologized getting up almost immediately. There was another tilt to the Death Star and Ianto fell onto Jack and Luke again.

"That's OK," Luke said, detangling himself and moving away from Jack and Ianto.

……………Meanwhile in the Generator Room……………

Anakin and Tosh had arrived at the power source just as the Death Star tilted. "Why aren't you doing anything?" Anakin demanded of the tech people in the room.

"We're trying, sir, but we can't figure out what's wrong," one of the tech people spoke up bravely.

"Let me see." Anakin pushed aside the panicking tech people so he could get at the generator better. One glance told him all. One little cord detached itself, causing the whole thing to go haywire. "Whatever your name is," he said to Tosh. "Go and hold those cords in while I get this one in."

"My name is Tosh," Tosh said placing her hands on her hips, "and I'm not going to help you until you apologize for being so rude."

"Just do it or else we're all be dead!" Anakin argued back. "And I was not being rude, Tosh, I just did not know your name. Would you please cooperate or we're dead."

"We have five minutes at least before there's a serious risk to our lives. That's plenty of time to apologize."

"Actually it's more like one." The Death Star tilted even farther." I'll do it after you grab the fucking cords!"

Tosh glared, but did as Anakin had ordered. The instant Anakin connected the cord the Death Star righted itself suddenly.

"Now about that apology?" she inquired.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry." He turned away from Tosh. "But I still don't think I was being rude," he mumbled to himself. "No one is to mess with that generator unless I tell you," he announced to the tech people.

"Yes, Sir," the tech people replied as one. Anakin walked out of the room with Tosh on his heels.

……………Back with Torchwood and Luke……………

Jack and Ianto climbed to their feet only to be thrown again when the lights came on and the Death Star righted itself. Ianto had the sense to grab onto something, but Jack and Luke fell together for a third time. Jack grinned wildly.

"Honestly, Mr. Skywalker, we've got to stop meeting like this." Jack flirted as the door opened admitting Anakin and Tosh.

"Jack, do you have to flirt with everyone that crosses your path?" Tosh asked in annoyance.

Jack just grinned up at her before his expression faded and he gulped. Anakin, who was standing over him, seemed to be glaring.

"Jack, you're pissing me off again." Anakin said. "I suggest you watch yourself." He yanked Jack off his feet allowing Luke to get up.

"Sorry." Jack grinned, his spirit had recovered quickly and he didn't seem sorry at all. "You're son is really…wow…. I wouldn't mind taking him back to Cardiff with me. Hey, Ianto, would you mind sharing."

Ianto had gotten up last and was now looking at Luke with interest. "No, I wouldn't mind, Sir, as long as I could participate."

"Is he always like this?" Luke asked as Anakin pulled Jack to the side.

"Ianto or Jack?" Gwen asked.

"Jack." Luke specified.

Gwen sighed and nodded. "You get used to it after awhile. It's actually quite a compliment if he wants to shag you because he'll only shag things that he thinks are pretty enough, and his standards are kind of high."

"Besides his flirting with everyone isn't quite as bad as the people who show up that know him." Owen added.

"Like that psycho bastard Vera?" Gwen asked Owen.

"Yeah. That's who I was thinking of." Owen confirmed.

"I am this close to throwing out into space." Anakin after he pulled Jack to the side. "If you don't stop I will. It would be rather hilarious to see you floating outside."

"It's not like it would kill me permanently so there's no point in throwing me out there." Jack responded hoping to talk Anakin out of it.

Jack's comment infuriated Anakin. He reached for his light saber.

Jack winced. "There's no chance that you're just letting me see your light saber is there?"

"Oh, you want to see it?" Anakin teased getting a new idea to torture Jack. He used the force to make his light saber above Jack. As Jack reached for it Anakin made the light saber jump just out of Jack's reach. "Try and get it." He challenged Torchwood's leader.

"Not fair." Jack crossed his arms and pouted.

Tosh and Ianto had been watching the exchange in amusement since the beginning of their argument. Since Luke, Gwen and Owen had also finished their conversation they started watching Anakin and Jack's fight. It wasn't every day that the Torchwood team got to watch their captain being teased.

"It's fair," Anakin continued to tease, "eventually you'll get it." Anakin just stood there, quietly laughing at Jack's continued futile attempts to reach the light saber.

Jack suddenly stopped trying to reach for the light saber as he realized that they had an audience. Seeing his team Jack remembered that he had been given extensive psychic training and considering he was in a different galaxy he might as well try the idea that had suddenly popped into his head. Concentrating on the light saber, Jack managed to pull it towards him.

Anakin realized that Jack's sudden attempt to get the light saber was working. Quickly, using the force, he pulled the light saber towards him and snapped it back on to his belt. "Too slow." Anakin laughed.

Jack stuck his tongue out at Anakin.

"Childish much?" Owen prompted.

"Well, I'm going to make plans to destroy this fucking Death Star once and for all." Anakin said.

Jack smiled as another sudden thought struck him. "Tosh, if we were theatrically going to get home it would take a lot of energy, right?"

Tosh nodded.

"Good." Jack smiled before turning to Anakin. "Now I know you don't like me, but I have an idea on how you can help me."

Anakin glanced at Jack. "How and why would I help you?"

"Because it involves blowing up the Death Star." Ianto said from behind Anakin startling him.

"You know what I'm talking about?" Jack looked at Ianto in surprise.

Ianto nodded. "You were telling me how to get out of a situation like this last week."

"You remember the details?"

"Yes."

"I knew there was reason I loved you." Jack smiled.

"So you want me to hook it up?" Ianto confirmed. Jack nodded again.

"Hook what up to where?" Anakin asked. "You aren't doing anything until I say you can."

"You want to blow up the Death Star don't you?" Tosh tried to confirm.

"Yes! But I want to know what the shit you're going to hook up!"

"Well to start off with we need to evacuate everyone. Then we need to hook up Jack's vortex manipulator to the central power. Once that's done using a remote incendiary device you blow up the Death Star and we're blasted back to where we belong." Tosh instructed rapidly.

"Wouldn't the central power be the center of the Death Star?" Luke asked.

"It is," Anakin replied. "But the only way to hook up that vortex manipulator thing would be from the generator room. The only way to destroy that without causing much harm to the ones who need to escape would be to blow up the power core accessible only by a fighter ship from outside the Death Star."

"Don't worry about us." Jack said with a slight smile though the rest of his team looked concerned. "We need to be on the inside when the Death Star explodes otherwise we won't gather enough energy."

Anakin nodded. "Right before it explodes, power will surge up to the generator, to which your vortex manipulator will be attached, in almost an implosion. If it does work, the power surge will cause you to warp, if that is the correct term, back to your own time and place."

Jack grinned happily and started to hum "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?" He was extremely grateful that Ianto had brought up the idea. Tosh, Owen and Gwen looked at him oddly because he never hummed and Ianto only blushed.

Anakin glared at Jack as soon as he started humming. He hated it when Jack hummed, but it seemed that even if Jack remembered that he wasn't going to stop.

As he entered the generator room with the Torchwood team behind him, all of the tech people looked up at him in surprise.

"I want everyone out of here right now." Anakin announced. Every tech person scrambled for the door. Turning to the Torchwood team, "Alright, get to it."

Once Anakin had left the room, the Torchwood team quickly set themselves up.

"Are we sure that it's going to work?" Gwen asked.

"Pretty sure." Jack said from under a desk where he was setting something.

"How sure is pretty sure?" Owen asked cautiously.

"About 90." Ianto answered for Jack, but still looking to make sure that he got the statistic right.

"What about the other 10?" Owen continued to question.

"Let's see. There's always the chance that we get tapped in the rift." Jack paused thinking about all the other bad things that could happen. "And then this energy source implodes before explodes. We're jumping at the point when the energy is most concentrated here because that's the only time I'll be able to open the rift enough for us to get through. There is a chance that my vortex manipulator won't be able to open the rift then we'll explode due to reason we're here in the first place."

Gwen and Owen exchanged concerned looks. They didn't like their options, but they didn't really have a choice.

"All right everyone grab hold." Jack commanded. Everyone grabbed the vortex manipulator. "We're ready." Jack said into the radio to Anakin and Luke.

Anakin had quickly made his way to the hanger, where Luke was waiting for him with the X-Wing and the Tie Fighter.

Anakin had waited in his Tie Fighter for Jack's signal, and when it came, the X-Wing and the Tie Fighter took off. Anakin led the way to the central power core. "Have fun, Jack!" Anakin said into the radio as they sped towards the center.

As they came into the center, Anakin and Luke lined themselves up for a good shot at the core, and fired several shots. The core seemed to shrink into nothing. "Let's go!" Anakin said, and he and Luke sped towards space as the core exploded. Luke and Anakin flew fast through the interior of the exploding Death Star. They reached the surface, fire following closely behind them.

"I hope it worked." Anakin said, glancing behind at the Death Star just in time to see it explode.


End file.
